Dear Mr. Hastert:

This will acknowledge receipt of your e-mail asking me to contribute to your re-election campaign. Using "Nancy Pelosi Speaker of the House" as a scare tactic was a nice touch.

However, I won't be able to send you a contribution today. You see, I'm paying $3.50 a gallon for gas. I'm doing this because you and your fellow idiots in Congress have spent the past several decades refusing to allow America to become energy independent. That shortsighted folly has now put us in a position of having to kiss the ass of Iran just to keep prices at their current exorbitant level. Take a moment to ask yourself whether $5.00 a gallon, or more, will be good for the American economy. I know that this will involve thinking about something besides yourself - and that is uncharted territory for any member of Congress - but give it a try.

There is also another reason why I won't be able to send you a contribution today. You see, as it currently stands, I am going to have to work until I drop dead because you and your fellow thieves have stolen my social security benefits. You have wasted my money on such things as your perks, your pensions, and your pork. You don't pay into social security - you made sure not to jump on that sinking ship -so your gold-plated retirement is safe. Tell me, will it be good for the American economy when social security finally goes bust?

Also, I am very unhappy with the automatic pay raise you bastards have given yourselves. Since we are your employers, shouldn't we be the ones who decide your salary?

And, finally, it was a very bad day when you gave the OK to your fellow members of Congress to hide evidence of their crimes in their offices because, for some reason, you believe that you are above the law and your offices exempt from search. We pay for them. Aren't they our offices?

So you see, Mr. Hastert, I just can't see my way clear to sending you a contribution.

By the way, why is the House only working 97 days this year.

Cordially yours,

Roxanna E.